Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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