i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
