its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
