I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
