yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize