Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Randomize
