is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize