I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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