I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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