my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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