It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
