I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
