she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
