I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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