pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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