Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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