I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
