Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
