do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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