omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
