I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
