If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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