You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
