I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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