Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
