you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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