i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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