I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
