it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I AM VODKA MAN
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
