Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
