I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
