The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize