She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
