don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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