hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize