I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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