you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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