Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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