i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Cover your peen. We're going out.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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