So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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