I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
