I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
