i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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