Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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