Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
