My nipple is on Facebook.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I touched a dick in church today
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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