Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
