I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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