So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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