hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
