Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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