worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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