i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
