Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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