I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize