u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've blown a few things in my day
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
