That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
