Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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