Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
