it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
