I can tuck mytits in my pants
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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