And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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