my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
