Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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