honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
