We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
