Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
