Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
