New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
