Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
